You Can't Erase The Past
by NineteenReasonsWhy
Summary: Kurt Hummel receives a package on his doorstep with no return address. What's inside holds the keys to Blaine Anderson's sudden suicide. But does he really want the answers he knows he's going to get? "Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't erase the past." (Rated T for strong content.)
1. Tape One Side A

_**I started reading 'Thirteen Reasons Why' by the amazing Jay Asher and I've fallen in love. It's heartbreakingly beautiful and so, so real. I promise you when you read it you will cry.**_

_**This story is based off this amazing book. I know people have done it before but it just wouldn't leave my head and the only way to get it out is to write it down. **_

_**This story is unbetad and all the mistakes are my own.**_

_**I do not own **_**Glee. **_**That honour goes to the incredible Ryan Murphy, nor do I own Thirteen Reasons Why. That goes to the amazing Jay Asher.**_

_**Enjoy. **_

_You Can't Erase The Past_

_(or the Thirteen Reasons Blaine Anderson killed himself)_

The package was waiting for me when I got home, leaning against the railing of the porch. It wasn't unusual for packages to be delivered to the house. My dad was always getting some car part or something else for the garage.

What was unusual?

The fact that it had no return address.

I bent down and picked up the box, turning it around until my eyes landed on neatly scribbled writing.

_Kurt Hummel_

_415 Whitman Avenue_

_Lima, Ohio_

_45802 _

Huh. The printing looked familiar, like I had seen it somewhere before, which, I guess if it's addressed to me, I have. But where? And whose?

Questions were swirling in my mind as I balanced the package in one hand and took my key out of my pocket, unlocking the front door. The house was eerily silent, nothing but the sound of the clocks ticking resonating through the small space.

Dad and Carole were both still at work and Finn was at football pratice which, if the time on the microwave was right, would be going for another hour at least.

I dropped my keys into the bowl on the counter and walked into the living room, sitting on the couch. I put the package on the table and just stared at it. Who would send me a package? And one with no return address at that?

With curiosity getting the better of me, I opened it, gently tearing open the brown tape that was wrapped around it. Pulling out bubble wrap I felt my eyebrows draw together in confusion. Laying at the bottom of the box were seven cassette tapes, each one with a number written in the corner.

Cassette tapes? Who still listens to cassette tapes?

I took out the tape that had '1' elegantly drawn in the corner, turning it over gently in my palm. Was this Rachel's way of telling me she was happy I was back at McKinley? It was a Rachel thing after all.

I put the tape back in the box and got up, rummaging through the living room cubbard until I pulled out my dads old Walkman, one with a cassette player in it. I blew the dust off the top of it and took my spot back on the couch, slipping the tape inside, closing it with a gently click. I put the headphones in my ears and pressed play.

_Hello peasants! How is the day treating you?_

My breathing stopped. What? Is this some kind of sick joke?

_I'm just kidding about the whole peasants thing. _

_Maybe. _

_Anyway, I know what must be going through your mind right now. Blaine? Blaine Anderson is that you? Why yes friend, it is. Blaine Anderson, in stereo._

He laughed and all I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. What was this? Blaine wasn't – he was –

_Pretty cool right? Who knew somebody like me could figure out how to do something like this? I didn't, that's for sure. Thanks Jacob, by the way. Without you this wouldn't be possible. _

_You're probably wondering why you're listening to this tape. The answer? Because it means I succeeded in – well, you know. That. It also means all of you, in some way or another, had something to do with it, whether you realize it or not._

I wanted to pull the headphones out of my ears, slam the Walkman on the ground and burn the tapes. But I couldn't. I was frozen.

_There's only two rules you need to follow. Rule One: you must listen to every tape; every story. I promise it will all come full circle. _

_Rule Two: you must pass these tapes onto the person whose story is after yours. No exceptions. And you must never, never ever, tell anyone outside of these tapes what's on them. Wouldn't want your deepest darkest secrets getting out would you?_

I ripped the earphones from my ears and threw them on the couch, burying my face in my hands. This wasn't happening. This _couldn't _be happening. Blaine was – well he was –

Blaine was _dead. _

Suicide. Killed himself.

So why did he record these? Is this his alternative to a suicide note?

I took a deep breath and put the headphones back in, pressing play.

**\\**

_That's what I thought. There are a lot of secrets on these tapes; secrets you don't want to get out. It could ruin your reputation, your job._

_Your life. _

_Every single one of you on these tapes did something to me. I can hear you now: 'But Blaine! I was nothing but nice to you!' or 'But Blaine! We never even spoke!' Maybe. But maybe it was what you didn't say to me or do to me that did this._

_Who knows. Maybe there was something always going on. Or maybe something happened. _

_Or maybe you caused it._

He paused and the static sounded like gunshots in my ears. I was on these tapes? I, in some way or another, made Blaine kill himself?

_Enough about that. Let's get to the real reason behind these tapes shall we? _

_There are many things wrong with this world. Bullying, violence, abortion. The one thing that wasn't?_

_Being gay._

You're right Blaine. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Absolutely nothing.

_But not everybody sees it that way. Isn't that right father? _

Father. So the first tape isn't about me. But then when is mine?

_Connor Anderson. Governor of Westerville, Ohio. Friend to many, father to two. Or, to be more accurate, one. _

_You never though of me as a son did you dad? I was nothing more than a mistake; something you wish you could take back. _

_But was it always this way? No. No, it wasn't. It used to be good, loving, nice. That, naturally, was all before I came out. You weren't happy about that were you dad? It ruined your reputation, the picture you had planned out. _

_You wanted me to graduate and marry a nice girl. One who could bear your grandchildren and, hopefully, carry on your name. Why couldn't I do that anyway? I still could, just not in the same way._

_But you didn't see it that way. No. All you saw was the reputation you had built up crash down, all because I wasn't what you wanted me to be._

_But it wasn't only me being gay that made you hate me was it dad? No. There was something else. _

_Something you didn't want anyone else to know._

This was too much. I feel like I'm reading Blaine's diary. It feels wrong; dirty.

But Blaine made these for a reason. He wanted me to hear these.

Who was I to deny him that?

**\\**

_Some of you may know what I'm going to say next. Others this might come as a huge surprise to you and if it does, please don't cry. You don't need to. Not anymore._

The tears started welling behind my eyes and I dug the heel of my palm into them.

_Do you remember when I was eight and you caught me playing with GI Joe and the Red Power Ranger? And I told you they were on a date?_

"_Boys don't date each other Blaine." You said, grabbing the red ranger from my hand. "It's disgusting and wrong."_

"_But daddy," I said, reaching back for the action figure. "Why can't they? What if they love each other?" _

_And do you remember what you did next? _

_No?_

_Well I do. _

_You hit me. You raised your hand and backhanded me across the cheek, leaving a red hand print._

The tears started leaking through my eyes, leaving a salty trail down my hand and wrist.

_I cried but all you did was take the red ranger with you and leave, slamming the door behind you. _

_Is this what you're supposed to do when you see your son playing date with two action figures? Slap them so hard they can't see straight? Because if it is, then you're one hell of a dad. _

The tears were freely falling down my cheeks now, and I made no move to stop them.

_I remember when you hit me so hard I ended up in the hospital. I was fifteen and has just come out. I was scared but you didn't care. All you cared about was keeping that precious reputation of yours._

"_No son of mine is gay!" You roared, grabbing my arm and slamming me against the wall. I winced but you either didn't notice or decided not to care._

_My money's on the latter._

"_But dad I –" You slammed me again, this time so hard my head bounced off the wall with a loud thunk. _

"_Don't call me that!" And then you hit me. I don't remember much of what happened after that and before I woke up in the hospital bed but I could piece them together._

_Why did you do it dad? Why couldn't you accept me for who I a – was?_

I remember when I first transferred to Dalton and was helping Blaine study for chemistry. He stretched and his sleeve had ridden up, high enough so I could see a small purple bruise sticking out. When I asked him about it all he said was _"I ran into a wall."_

I shouldn't have let it go that easily.

_I guess you don't have to worry about having your reputation ruined anymore dad. _

_I guess none of you do._

**O**

The tape stopped, Blaine's voice trailing off, leaving nothing but static in it's wake.

I kept gripping the Walkman, my knuckled turning white. Sure, I knew Blaine and his dad had a rough relationship but I didn't know it was that bad.

I was just about to flip the tape over when the front door banged open and Finn's voice floated in, making me drop the cassette on the ground. I cursed and reached down to pick it up.

"Kurt! Yo dude are you here?" I finally managed to snag it from underneath the couch.

"Yeah. In the living room." I popped it back in just as Finn entered, still wearing his football jersey.

"What's that?" He asked, pointing to the Walkman and the box of tapes. I shrugged.

"Just a package someone sent me." He reached down to pick one up but I snatched them away. "No!" He took his hand back, dropping it down to his side as if he had been burnt. "I – I mean don't touch those. You're all sweaty and I don't want them to get ruined." He looked at me before rolling his eyes and leaving.

I listened for the slam of his door and the shower to start before I put the earphones back in and hit play, my heart slamming against my chest the whole time.

* * *

_**Hopefully you enjoyed it. I'm honestly not sure what I think of it. **_

_**Remember to leave a review, they're much appreciated.**_


	2. Tape One Side B

**Wow. I am blown away, amazed, so so happy. The response to this fic is amazing. I never expected this. I'm just – thank you. **

**To everyone that favourited and followed, I love you. You're my inspiration and my drive for writing this.**

**Gabs: Thank you for your wonderful review. :) I love this book also. Thank you so much for reading, **

**DeadThingHanging: I'm sorry I made you cry, :( **** Kurt is pretty good at bringing hope isn't he? Thank you very very much for reading and reviewing.**

**Lastly, thank you to my beautiful Beta Kali. I wouldn't even know where to begin without you darling. Check out her stories guys. I'll link them on my profile.**

**Enjoy chapter two!**

**Oh, also, the spelling may seem a bit different. That's only because I'm Canadian and that's how we spell. I promise we're not weird. Really, ;)  
**

_You Can't Erase The Past_

_Chapter Two_

The tape began again and I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

_Congratulations. If you made it here you deserve a medal or something. Honestly I'm surprised you did. I thought for sure you'd listen to my voice and ignore the rest of the tapes._

He paused and, in the brief moment of static, I heard his breathing. It sounded loud; labored.

_I remember when I was six and fell off the swing set and broke my arm. I had to get a cast and everything. I choose green because it was my favourite colour. And because my dad couldn't stand it._

I didn't know Blaine when he was six. This tape wasn't mine. But – then when _is_ mine?

_Remember the joke you told me Coop? The one about the man walking into a bar? I laughed for so long, like it was the funniest thing in the world. I guess when you're six you think everything's the funniest thing in the world._

I remember that joke. My dad used it on me once when I was upset that I got sent to timeout.

"_Have you heard about the guy that walked into a bar?" _

"_No."_

"_A guy walked into a bar and said ouch." _

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

_And then when they had to set my arm? Remember how you told me all about high school and how awesome it was? And how I told you I was going to go with you? You just laughed and said, "Soon Blainers. Soon." But then you got that casting call and everything changed._

_It was like you forgot about your family._

_About us._

_About me._

I shook my head. I could feel Blaine's pain resonating through the earphones and it broke my heart. I never knew much about his family - let alone that he had a brother.

_Remember when you said you would always be there for me? Whenever I needed you? Remember that Coop? Or did you forget once you hit Hollywood?_

His voice turned different, almost bitter, like the words he was saying tasted vile in his mouth.

_Where were you when I needed you the most? Oh, right. At some hotshot, fancy dancy, Hollywood party. The exact sames ones you said you would never go to. Or did you conveniently forget that too? Because if I remember correctly you said – and correct me if I'm wrong – "Those types of parties aren't for me Blainers. They're way to out there for me."_

I've heard about those parties. Apparently there's nothing but celebrities getting drunk and then making out with each other, and then photos end up on TMZ the next day.

_Bet you changed your mind pretty quick there eh? Did you have fun getting drunk and talking to people who wouldn't remember your name in the morning while I was laying in a hospital bed, knocking on deaths door?_

I felt the burn of the tears behind my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I couldn't cry.

Not now.

_You see Coop, the thing you don't know is that I looked up to you – I still do. Don't ask me why because I don't know. But you hurt me, more than anyone has ever hurt me before._

_Why did you have to abandon me? Why did you have to leave me alone with dad? _

_Why couldn't you be the brother I needed?_

**/|**

This was becoming too much too fast. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't listen to anymore of these stories without feeling like my world was collapsing.

This was slowly becoming more and more like a movie that I couldn't turn off.

**/**

_But you weren't always bad Cooper, like I mentioned earlier. You used to be a good brother, one that I could always count on. Especially when mom left. Dad threw himself into his work so you were the only one I had left. You had become the father figure for me; the person who would teach me how to be a man._

_But you got sick of it after awhile didn't you? You got sick of having to be the babysitter to your little brother. You didn't want to lose your 'cool cred' because of me._

_You could've just told me that instead of pushing me away though. I didn't know what I did wrong Coop. Was it because I was gay? Was it because dad put so much pressure on you to do right because I was gay?_

_Whatever it was you didn't have to cut me off. _

_I thought you loved me Cooper._

**O**

The tape finished, popping out of the recorder with a gentle _click. _I just held the Walkman in my hands, not really seeing anything. My heartbeat was like water rushing in my ears.

Blaine. Oh God Blaine, why didn't you ever tell me?

I could've helped you. I could've done – well I don't know. But I could've helped you, I know it.

But now it's too late. To late to bring you back; to fix all of this. I'm so sorry Blaine.

Sorry that I wasn't able to help you like you helped me.

But I'm most sorry that you had to do this all alone.

I love you Blaine.

* * *

**And that's a wrap on chapter two! I'm sorry that this is progressively shorter than chapter one. It's about 12am here and I really should be studying for my English exam but I just can't bring myself to do it.  
**

**This counts as English right?  
**

**As always leave a review. It makes my week.**

**_Edit: Wow, I just noticed I've got readers from all across the world. If you want too, leave a review with your country and favourite Glee character. I would love to get to know all of you, :)_  
**


	3. Tape Two Side A

**I'm at a loss for words. You guys are amazing. 548 views?! This is amazing. Thank you so so so much! I can't believe how many favourites this story got. Or how many followers. I'm so happy you all like my writing. :)**

**Kaylaaa: You're so sweet. Thank you so very much! I'm glad you like it so far!**

**Gabs: Welcome back! Thank you for reviewing both chapters so far! Brazil eh? That's so cool! I've always wanted to visit :)**

**Kawaii01: Thank you so much! I've cried once or twice writing this. Australia! That's so awesome! Thank you so much for reviewing! **

**And, as always, thank you to my beautiful, wonderful, fabulous beta Kali. Darlin, you are forever my favourite. **

_**Before we begin chapter three I'm going to leave a little warning here: as the chapters go on, it may get a little more intense. If – at any time – you feel like you can't handle it, please, stop reading. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. **_

**Also, there's a poll on my profile. Go vote please! **

**Without further ado here's chapter three! **

_You Can't Erase The Past_

_Chapter Three_

I love Blaine.

I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, love Blaine Devon Anderson.

Except now it's too late. Too late to tell him.

Too late to help him.

Why hadn't I seen any signs? Why wasn't there anything there to tell me he was feeling this way?

Or was there?

I had been so wrapped up in coming back to McKinley that I wasn't even paying attention. Oh God. What if there were signs and I was just to blind to see them?!

With tears falling down my cheeks I took out the first tape and gently placed it back in the box, pulling out the one with '2' scribbled neatly in the corner. Taking a deep breath I put it in the Walkman, preparing myself for – well I don't really know.

**/|**

_Have I lost you yet? I hope not. The fun's just getting started._

This isn't fun, Blaine. It's the furthest thing _from_ fun.

_I bet a lot of you are sweating right now wondering when your tape is going to pop up. Don't worry it will. You just have to be patient. _

I don't wanna be patient anymore. Please Blaine.

_This next tale I'm about to tell might become a little bit… graphic, if you will. Avert your eyes or cover your ears if you start to feel sick. _

_I was just fourteen when I came out. It was my freshman year at Westerville High, the hellhole of a highschool where I live. I was the only out gay kid at school and everybody bullied me because of it. Apparently they all thought they would 'catch the gay' if they came near me._

He snorted and I felt my blood run cold. This didn't sound like Blaine anymore. This sounded like a boy who was to far gone to come back. And that scared me.

_Being gay isn't a disease you morons. You're born with it whether you know it or not. God only knows some of you will come out sooner or later. For your sakes I hope it's soon. _

_There was one boy in particular who took it to the next level. _

_I bet all the memories are flooding back to you now aren't they Jason? _

Jason. Jason Evans. I remember Blaine mentioning him sometime after we first met. Apparently they never got along well and now I'm slowly starting to figure out why.

_You were my main tormenter; the reason I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Do you know what that's like? What its like to be so afraid to come to school that you would do anything to make yourself sick? Even go so far as to drink so much alcohol you can't even remember your own name?_

I did Blaine. Maybe not to the point that you did but I still _did_. I could've _helped_ you Blaine.

Just like you helped me.

_I did. I did for the whole year I was at Westerville, all because you were too stupid to realize that being gay isn't a disease nor is it wrong! There is nothing wrong with liking boys! _

Blaine was starting to get angry and I could picture the tears rolling down his cheeks. My heart shattered, leaving nothing but broken shards in its place.

_But that's not why you're on this tape. Oh no. Not even close. I think you know why you're on here Jason, but I don't think the others do. _

I wasn't breathing. I _couldn't _breathe. It was like I had forgotten how.

_Remember the Sadie Hawkins dance Jason? Remember how I took Tyler Rogers with me as a friend? _

_That's right everyone. Tyler and I went to the dance as friends. Nothing more. But you didn't believe that did you? Of course you didn't. Because Jason told you otherwise._

I was really beginning to hate this Jason.

_What was going through your mind when I was on the ground begging you to stop Jason? Was it the fact that you were a mere bat swing away from killing the gay boy? Was it that you were going to go to jail for life once the police found out?_

_Was it that you were sorry?_

_You ruined my life Jason. You put me in the hospital for six months and made me transfer schools, all because I wasn't something that you liked; that you approved of. _

_Does that make you feel like a man? Knowing that you broke me?_

I could hear the tears in his voice now and, I knew that if I even attempted to talk outloud, you could hear them in mine too.

_That's right world. Jason Evans broke Blaine Anderson. The once strong, determined boy was broken, shattered until nothing but a cold, unforgiving corpse was left._

_I hope you're happy Jason._

**O**

I couldn't feel anything. My body was numb; shut off. This couldn't have happened to Blaine, it just _couldn't._

The Blaine I loved – _love Kurt. The Blaine you love _– wasn't cold. Or unforgiving.

He was kind, funny, sweet.

_Beautiful._

He was so beautiful.

But now he's gone, somewhere I can't bring him back.

And that's going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

* * *

**That was hard to write. I'm sorry that all of these chapters have been nothing but angst and no comfort. I promise it will come. When I couldn't tell you. But it will.**

**I've got a little bit of news. First, I'm going to be writing another story. This one will be Huntbastian because, come on let's face it, they are two beautiful men. And because I am obsessed with them. OTP right thur.  
**

**Second, I'm wondering if you guys want some one shots of this story. Like maybe stories on the day **_**after **_**someone else on these tapes sends them to the next person and so on? I don't know, it's just an idea.**

**Third, if you want to, follow me on twitter. HuntbastianOTP. I don't tweet anything that makes sense. At all.**

**Fourth, I left my English stuff at school.**

**Fifth, I should stop doing this.**

**Leave a review and tell me what you thought of last nights episode. Loved it? Hated it? Indifferent? I personally did not like it at all. I mean, using steroids to win a singing competition? **

**Really?**


	4. Tape Two Side B

**You have to be kidding me right now. 31 follows?! Nearly 1000 views?! What is going on right now! I am freaking out. Asdfhdgklflg.**

**You guys are amazing, fantastic, beautiful. Thank you thank you **_**thank you!**_** I never expected this story to even get one review let alone six, or get even one view let alone **_**almost one thousand. **_**This is just – amazing.**

**Also, the word God, is used a lot in this chapter. If that offends anyone, please, let me know. I will find another word to use. Thank you!  
**

**This part may not be as good as the previous three. I've got the flu so I'm taking a lot of DayQuil and NyQuil. I should be laying in bed studying for my English exam but who needs that? There are stories to be written!**

**As always I do not own Glee. That honour goes to the brilliant Ryan Murphy. I also do not own Thirteen Reasons Why. That, as always, goes to the amazing Jay Asher.**

**And, as always, thank you to Kali, my beautiful, fantastic Beta. Welcome back to the land of the living darlin' ;)**

**Do you know how amazing it is to see your stories in someone's favourite list? I think my heart is going to explode from happiness.**

_**WARNING: THERE IS MENTION OF RAPE IN THIS CHAPTER. IF THAT TRIGGERS ANYTHING OR MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER. **_

**Other than that enjoy.  
**

_You Can't Erase The Past_

_Chapter Four_

I knew I shouldn't be doing this. I should be in bed, sleeping, dreaming of one day getting into NYADA and moving to New York. I should be planning what outfit I'm going to wear at my first after party after my amazing run on Broadway. I should be thinking about my future.

But I'm not.

Instead I'm standing in front of Blaine's grave, listening to his voice tell me about why he killed himself, like it was my lifeline.

This couldn't be healthy.

**/|**

_I'm going to skip over the whole introduction thing now. By now I'm sure you're all sick of it. And, frankly, so am I. Now I'm just going to get into the action. You ready?_

No.

_Too bad. _

_I remember my first day at Dalton. I thought it was the best thing in the world. I was so happy because I was finally able to be myself. I didn't have to be afraid to show my sexuality because everybody was so nice; they didn't discriminate. _

_It was in Math class where I first met my best friend, Wes Montgomery._

Wes. Wes why are you on this tape? Did you do something to Blaine? Oh God I think I'm going to be sick.

_You guys think I'm going to say Wes had something to do with my suicide don't you? _

_You're wrong._

_Wes had absolutely nothing to do with this. Which is why he's not getting these tapes._

Wait, what? Blaine, what's going on?

_No. The person who's getting these tapes after Jason isn't Wes Montgomery. It's not even a student at Dalton. _

My knees feel like rubber so I drop onto the ground, clutching Blaine's tombstone, my fingers digging into the cold marble.

_No, the person getting these tapes is someone who you're all very aware of. It's somebody who, because they're a teacher, is supposed to protect you; to make sure you feel safe where you are. But you never did, did you Mrs. Ryerson?_

Mrs. Ryerson. The principal at Dalton. She was nothing but nice when I was there?

Oh God here it comes again. Please don't let me throw up.

_You're the principal, you're supposed to make sure that we feel safe at Dalton, not like we're going to get murdered in our sleep. You should really practice what you preach._

I squeezed my eyes shut so tight I could see stars. What didn't Mrs. Ryerson do?

_There was one point in time where I thought I wasn't going to make it out of Dalton alive. That's right, there was one point in time where I thought I was going to die. _

_At a school with a no tolerance to bullying rule at that._

_I'm sure most of you know why. But to the others that don't I'm going to explain. In great, great detail._

Blaine stop it. Please stop.

_I'm not going to mention a name, because why should I? He already got what he deserved. There is no need. Now, let's take a little tour back in time shall we?_

I shouldn't have eaten anything today. I'm not going to be able to keep it down.

_It was my first week at Dalton and I wasn't able to make it home. My dad was out of town on business so I had to stay behind, not that I minded. I would be able to work on the Warblers set list. _

_But I wasn't the only one who stayed behind. No, there was someone else, someone who I didn't think would be a problem; wouldn't hurt me._

No. No no no Blaine. Stop please. I am _begging _you.

_It was late Saturday night. I was in the commons room, rehearsing my solo that I was going to sing for the Warblers at Monday's practice, and lost track of time. The door creaked open but I didn't hear it, to absorbed in singing. _

_And then it happened. He grabbed my wrists, dragging me to the closet in the corner of the room. My heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to beat right out of my chest. I tried to scream but he put his hand over my mouth. _

Blaine. Oh my God. I know where this is going but I don't want too. Oh God oh God oh _God._

_I remember thinking that I was going to die and how I never got to live my life. I remember thinking I never found the one person who I wanted to spend my life with, loving them like I never loved anyone before. _

_But the one thing that I still clearly remember thinking?_

_That I wanted it to happen._

My hands gripped the marble tighter, my knuckles turning white. I tasted blood in my mouth and knew I had bitten right through my lip but I didn't care.

I couldn't care about something so trivial.

_And then it did. He ripped my clothes off, and raped me. That's right. I was raped. I'm not going to go into detail because, no matter how much I want you to suffer, I couldn't put myself through that again. _

Blaine. Oh my God Blaine. Why wouldn't you tell me?

_I don't remember much of what happened after that except that I stayed in the closet, just laying there, for the rest of the weekend. When I finally forced myself out I remember someone yelling, "Oh look! He finally came out of the closet!" and then laughter._

_I locked myself in my room for the rest of the week, only coming out to eat and attend Warbler practice._

He paused and I felt the burn of tears. I hadn't cried in a long time and Blaine, the boy I love, made me cry more times in one night that I had in the past eight years.

_And then do you know what happened when I went to you, Mrs. Ryerson? Of course you do. You were there, but the others don't. So I'm going to tell them._

_You told me to "get over it." _

_Get over it. Like it never happened._

_Thanks, Mrs. Ryerson._

_I finally got over it._

**O**

My stomach finally won and I couldn't hold in my lunch any longer. I threw up until I couldn't throw up anymore, crying and dry heaving the whole time.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't it wasn't _it wasn't. _

Blaine I am so sorry.

_Blaine._

* * *

**I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY! I AM SO SORRY THAT THAT HAD TO HAPPEN BUT IT DID. **

**I'm crying so hard right now I can't see straight. This was so hard to write like you have no idea. I am so sorry if anybody cried during this chapter, that was never my intention.**

**If you did manage to read this without crying, congratulations, you beat me on that one. And thank you so much for reading.**

**You are all so amazing.**

**Now I'm going to go and cry into my pillow.**


	5. Tape Two Side B part two

**Is anyone even still around? I'm so sorry I haven't updated in over a month. School has been really **_**really **_**hectic and so has work. Honestly I don't even know how I'm still alive.**

**This chapter may not be up to par because I've been running on three hours of sleep and I just got home from a really exhausting day. **

_**Gabs: **_**Sweetheart, I never said I was going to make this exactly like Thirteen Reasons Why did I? Just breathe my darling.**

**Like always, this story would be nothing without my beautiful, perfect, flawless Beta Kali. One year from today we'll have our acceptance letter girl. Bet on it.**

**I do not own Glee or Thirteen Reasons Why. Those, as always, belong to their rightful owners.**

**If any of you are still sticking around, thank you so much. You're all perfect.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The rain was really coming down now, soaking through my coat and jeans. Normally I would be having a fit, yelling at everyone and everything but I couldn't right now. Not when I held Blaine's last words in my hands.

**/|**

_That was tough wasn't it? I mean, learning something like that about somebody you look up too. Whew, exhausting. _

The rain was washing off the dirt and grime that had accumulated on Blaine's tombstone, revealing the inscription that was on it. I helped pick it out. It was Blaine's favourite.

_The stories from now on are easier to digest. I promise no more gory details, though I'm sure some of you would like that right? Especially you Jeff. You always liked gore and blood._

My heart started racing at the mention of Jeff's name. Maybe this was just another transition? Maybe Jeff was like Wes and hadn't done anything to Blaine?

_Especially when you were the one who made it._

Please no.

_Do you remember when we first met Jeff? I do. It was my first week as a Warbler and – funnily enough – the week you got your first solo. _

_You were so good. I had never heard someone with a prettier voice than yours. While until I met him._

Him. Oh my God that's me. I know it. _Blaine._

_But that's for another tape. This one is Jeff right? Like I said earlier, you had such a good voice. One that should be in the spotlight, because that's what you wanted right? That's what you always wanted._

My clothes were starting to stick to my body but I didn't care. I was transfixed on Blaine's voice, watching it play out infront of my eyes like a horrific car crash you can't help but watch.

_And then that got taken away from you. All because I auditioned. You should know I never had any intention to take the solo away from you, Jeff. None at all. I just wanted to be a part of the Warblers because I just love to sing and dance._

_But you didn't see it that way did you?_

_No. No, you thought I did it on purpose. But for what reason?_

_I don't know. You're going to have to ask Jeff that because, even to this day, I'm trying to figure it out. _

I was starting to feel sick again. My ears started ringing.

_Why did you have to throw that rock at me Jeff? Was it an accident? Or did you do it on purpose? _

Jeff threw a rock at Blaine?

_I think you did it on purpose so I wouldn't be able to perform the next day. Lucky for you I wasn't. I had a concussion so severe I couldn't even remember my name for the longest time._

The tears were streaming down my face and onto my jacket. My hands clenched around the Walkman and I had to keep taking deep breaths so I wouldn't race out and find Jeff.

Why would anyone do that?

_Too bad for you we came in last place. Many people would say it was because you were nervous. It was your first solo after all. _

_Me? I say it was karma._

_You see, Jeffrey, karma has a way of coming back and biting you in the ass, in the most horrible of times. Quite frankly I find it funny. You wanted so bad to be the lead soloist and then when you finally get the chance you blow it._

_So sad._

**\**

I pulled the earphones from my ears and let them hang limply from the Walkman. My mind was having a hard time wrapping itself around Blaine's words. I couldn't understand any of what was going on. Why hadn't Blaine told me any of this when we met? I would have been able to help him.

At least I liked to believe I would've been able too.

**|\**

_No one ever found out it was you who did this to me did they Jeff? You made sure of that. You wanted your perfect, angelic choir boy reputation to stay around. _

_Don't worry, I'm sure it will still be there by the time these tapes have finished circulating. Nobody wants their secret getting out so why would they tell yours?_

**O**

The tape finished and popped out, falling out of the Walkman before I could catch it, landing on the ground with a soft _thud. _I made no move to pick it up. My arms weren't listening to my brain anymore.

My phone vibrated in my jacket pocket but I didn't care. Whoever it was would leave a message. Instead I stared with tear filled eyes at Blaine's grave, letting out an anguished sob until I couldn't anymore.

This wasn't right. There was nothing about this that was right.

It was wrong.

So wrong.

_Come with me  
_

_And you'll be  
_

_In a world of  
_

_Pure imagination  
_

_Take a look  
_

_And you'll see  
_

_Into your imagination_

* * *

**I hope you liked this chapter. Like I said, it's so so for me. But all that matters is that you guys like it right? **

**As always, leave a review. They really help me out.**

**Now if you don't mind, I'm going to curl up in my bed and sleep until noon.**


	6. Update

_**Update:**_

**I'm so sorry. So so so so _so sorry._ I feel like such a horrible person right now. I know I promised I wouldn't abandon these stories – and I'm not I promise!- but life is really, really hectic right now. School isn't going so great and neither is anything else really. I feel like if I try and write anything it will all turn out totally wrong and then I'll feel horrible for even putting it out. **

**So, as of right now, all of my stories are on hiatus, indefinitely. I don't know for how long. Hopefully not to long, but yeah. I just wanted to give you guys a little update.**

**Thanks a whole bunch for sticking around, you all rock.**

**Until next time,**

**Deana.**


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